Much of how we react to discord in our lives is rooted within the framework of our past. We also derive our pleasure and likes from many of the memories we have from our childhood – the joys resonate no matter how small. As we struggle through the disagreeable areas of our life, often we realize that a reaction to a situation resembles scenes from our past – particularly how we reacted during childhood. Whether it is a reaction from a parent asking us to clean our room or a bully calling us names – if our response to these experiences may have caused us deep sorrow or anger, these voices can reappear in our adult lives in various forms and we respond accordingly.
The emotions are so deep rooted in our memories, we respond as if we were taught lines in a play. In the scene, while on a stage you are required to respond with the same anger or sadness over and over.
With lines so well-rehearsed, when we hear similar context, memories can trigger those emotions and feelings instantly. The role continues until we recognize we are replaying the same act repeatedly causing us grief.
Scientists realize that traumatic experiences lay dormant in our bodies and when we are faced with a similar experience of the trauma, our bodies and emotions will respond accordingly. The chemicals in our bodies just hang on until the experience happens again.
We can change this rooting system. It requires awareness – are we choosing a particular partner in life to play out the role that caused us pain to try and fix the love we missed? This is an age-old question.
For many broken relationships, there are similar threads to the past, there are open wounds that make one feel incomplete. Often, we believe another person can heal these wounds. Although it is true, love is what prevails in this life – be sure it is a healthy path you are seeking and not another unobtainable one keeping that wound alive.
The first step to a functional relationship is to begin with a clear mind and clear heart. Feel confidence as an independent person – when you are healthy in mind and heart, choosing a person who is healthy for you makes an interdependent relationship obtainable. Operating from a position of completeness and not scarcity – is one of life’s greatest challenges. Human frailty is often found in moments of loneliness.
The past performances and deep-rooted scene of discontent will always leave us unfulfilled and sad. The toxic roles of the past need to stay in the past - there is so much love and happiness for us to enjoy in this world – make the future role, the part we play, the makings of a good story.
Image by @jontyson